In our latest episode of The Matcha Guardians Podcast, we delve into the profound connection between humans and dogs. We're thrilled to have Jodi Andersen, a renowned dog behavior expert, joining us. Jodi's journey into dog training began with a childhood love for animals and a pivotal experience with her own dog, which led her to rethink traditional training methods. She emphasizes understanding a dog's signals and the unintended training we often do. Jodi's approach is about creating harmony between a dog's needs and the family's lifestyle.
Jodi's work extends beyond individual training. She co-founded How I Met My Dog, a platform that matches rescue dogs with adopters based on lifestyle and behavior, not just breed. This approach ensures a deeper, more sustainable bond between the dog and its new family. She also co-founded Competibility, focusing on enhancing the relationship between existing dog owners and their pets.
A significant part of our discussion revolves around the right time and way to introduce a dog into a family. Jodi advises against getting a dog solely for children, emphasizing that the responsibility ultimately falls on the parents. She highlights the importance of matching a dog's temperament with the family's lifestyle and the individual personalities within the household. Jodi also touches on the challenges and rewards of introducing a second dog into the home, stressing the importance of energy compatibility over breed or gender. Gender, however, can play a significant role.
We also explore the sensitive topic of a dog's end of life. Jodi offers heartfelt advice on recognizing when it's time to say goodbye, advocating for a compassionate approach that prioritizes the dog's quality of life. She encourages openness to the love of another pet, seeing it as a tribute to the one lost.
Resources:
How I Met My Dog Website: https://howimetmydog.com/
ComPETibility Website: https://competibility.com/
Jodi's Book The Latchkey Dog: https://www.amazon.com/Latchkey-Dog-Live-Shapes-Behavior/dp/B0009WUII8
Announcer: Welcome to The Matcha Guardians Podcast, brought to you by matcha.com. Here we focus on the biggest trending health topics of our time, featuring the greatest and upcoming wellness advocates. Now here are The Matcha Guardians certified nutritionist, Diana Weil and medical journalist Elara Hadjipateras.
Diana Weil: Hello, hello, and welcome to this week's episode. I love all of our episodes, but I am especially excited about this one because we are talking to a dog expert who is going to lead us through how to have a healthy relationship with your dog and all about your health and your dog's health.
Elara Hadjipateras: We are so happy to have Jodi Andersen here. She's a nationally recognized dog trainer and dog behavior expert who's devoted her career to strengthening the human-canine bond. She's actually an author of a book, The Latchkey Dog, which goes into how the way you live shapes the behavior of the dog that you love. She has made appearances on the Today Show, Good Morning America, the Discovery Channel, just to name a few. She's an award-winning writer who had a problem-solving column in the American Kennel Club's Family Dog Magazine.
In 2017, she co-founded How I Met My Dog, a platform online that custom-matches rescue dogs with adopters based on lifestyle and behavior. In 2020, she co-founded a second platform for everyone already living with their dog, Competibility, which focuses on helping dog parents have the best relationship with their dogs. Jodi, we're so excited to have you here. Welcome.
Jodi Andersen: I'm excited to be here. Thank you.
Diana: Okay, Jodi, I'm going to start us off. You've got so much behind you. You are clearly an expert in this field. I would just be really interested to hear a little bit about your story and how you got to this point where you became dog expert. Would you share with us just a little bit about your story?
Jodi: Absolutely. The same as everyone else as a kid, loved animals. We dragged everything home. I had a pigeon. I had a duck. We had dogs from everywhere, cats from everywhere, but one day I got a dog that was my dog. We actually purchased the dog from a breeder. I think I was probably around 12, maybe 11 or 12. We hired a trainer.
The trainer gave us all these instructions on what to do with the dog and the trainer left, and I undid everything the trainer said because he wanted the dog housebroken and said, the best way to do it is to tie the dog to a door. Crates were not in fashion then, and this way she wouldn't mess where she slept. He would leave and I'd say, "This is not why I got a dog." I would undo the leash and undo everything that he told me to do.
Consequently, because of the mixed messages this dog got, she was a great dog, but she had a really crazy life because my parents wanted one thing, I wanted a playmate, the trainer wanted a soldier, and the mixed messages really messed up the dog. I promised myself later in life that that would never happen again. When I was newly married, we decided we were going to have a dog before we were going to have a human baby.
We got a dog, lived in Manhattan, and I interviewed several trainers and decided that I could do this myself, and came up with a program that worked for me, worked for the dog, worked for my family, and this dog was superb. He was everything. He taught me how to teach him. Consequently, my veterinarian said, "Hey, is there any way that you would help other families have the dog you have, the way you did what you did with your dog?" I said, "Sure. I'd love to help, but I have a day job."
I went to work on Madison Avenue during the day and at night I would go to people's homes and help them with their dog's behavior. What I really learned was the signals that we send our dogs or the way we train them to ultimately do the things that drive us crazy. For instance, if I don't want my dog to bother me, so I give him a treat to go away, I am training him to bother me. Then I get all upset because why is this dog bothering me all the time?
I have a dog that he's big, and he'll put his paw on me and literally pull me off a chair. If I give him a treat at that moment, I have simply told him, "Next time you want a treat, come back and bother me." We do that in all kinds of situations with our dogs. Ultimately, I had my first baby and said, "I'm not going back to the office. If I can help families have a better relationship with their dogs, then this is what I'll do full-time." In those years, we didn't have dog training classes. There's still very little regulation in this field.
Anyone can hang out a shingle and say they're a dog trainer, so you have to be mindful of who you hire, but I devoted my life to taking this dog to everything I could to learn as much as I could and just drank in all the information about dog behavior, and that is how I learned to understand dogs and to help people have the best relationships with them.
Diana: I love that story so much. What I love, I think most about it is that this found you, this isn't necessarily the career that you started out in, but it's the career that you ended up in and you've been hugely successful and obviously have been very needed. The work that you're doing is obviously very needed.
Jodi: Thank you. Thank you very much. I agree. It found me. I couldn't avoid it no matter what I did. [chuckles]
Elara: Then when you mentioned that you ended up having a dog when you were around 12 years old, chances are you were probably begging your parents to get a dog. I feel like that's the case in so many families, where kids are just begging their parents for a dog, for a pet, that they're not necessarily going to be the ones taking care of it.
I guess this brings me to my first question. Bring us in line with how do we maintain a healthy relationship with our dog through different life stages? When is the right and best time to get a dog for someone?
Jodi: Well, it's never a good idea to get a dog for someone. Get a dog for you. Get a dog for your family. Every dog is different. Every person living with a dog is different. We consider those things, and it's not all that different than when is it a good time to have a baby. It's never the perfect time. What you do is you make it work.
In that case, I would say if your kids want a dog, depending on the ages of the kids, and when I say that 18, they're not usually all that responsible for themselves, want to be careful that you expect them to be responsible for a dog. Let's back up and say your kids want a dog, you have to be realistic and understand that the parents are in charge. Well, you wouldn't tell your kids if they wanted to go out and have a baby that it would be a good idea. Handing them the baby dog is not a good idea either.
As long as you keep your expectations realistic in the sense that no matter how old my kids are, if I get a dog, I am still the parent, and that's adding another child to the household. If you look at it that way, the expectations are likely to be met, at least in that scenario. When you get a dog for the kids, make sure you understand you are still the parent.
Elara: Now, Jodi, would you feel that there's any distinction of say adopting an older dog that's already house-trained being a little bit easier to handle versus getting an eight-week-old puppy?
Jodi: Well, it's certainly a lot easier to have a young adult or an adult dog than it is to have a puppy. As long as you understand that that puppy is a baby and an infant, so there's going to be a loss of sleep, there's going to be more time that you devote to boundaries if you will, but every dog, people say, "I'm getting a dog that's older because it's housebroken."
Older dogs are not housebroken when they come into a new environment. I'll give you an example. I bring you into my house and you've just run out of your car and the first thing you said is, "I need to pee," and no one tells you where the bathroom is. Well, you're going to pee in your pants. If you bring a dog into a new environment, even a dog that is the most reliably housebroken dog, but that dog is now stressed and doesn't know where you want that dog to go to the bathroom, they haven't established a toilet yet.
Well, then they have an accident in the house, and you say, "Well, I was told this dog is housebroken, and it's not." No. Everybody needs to have a roadmap, a GPS of wherever they are. When company comes to your house, you let them know, come on into the kitchen, we'll have something to eat. Let's go to the dining room now. Oh, you need to go to the bathroom. There it is. Dogs need to know the same thing.
As soon as they understand the layout of your home, you can begin to say, "This is where you eat. This is where you sleep. This is where you go to the bathroom." Deciding to get a dog, primarily because they're housebroken, there's an adjustment period there that you have to understand no dog is housebroken when they walk into a house until they understand where the bathroom is. There is more work to an infant dog, to a baby, but they grow so quickly.
Diana: They do. Let's say that your kid has been begging you for a dog, and you decide to get your kid a dog, responsibly, knowing that you're the parent here and the adult, what benefits have you seen to bringing in a dog with young kids versus middle schoolers, adult kids? Do you think that there's a certain age that's right to get a new dog?
Jodi: I think that a dog adds to every family. Maybe I'm a little biased, but I think whether you have infants or whether you have middle school-age kids, or whether you have teens, it really teaches partnership, teaches empathy, teaches responsibility, think of me when you think of yourself.
Kids are so centric in the sense that when we raise them, it's all about them. Everything's all about them, and in different stages of their life, developmentally, that's really important. That's not your toy, that's my toy. Then they get to a certain stage where they understand that sharing doesn't mean it disappears, it'll come back, but it means that we can have a relationship where I care that you want to play with my toys. Dogs are exactly the same. They go through stages where they think everything you touch, you're stealing, so they try to get it back. If you teach them, "If you give that to me, I am happy and I'll give it back."
Children mimic. When I was raising my kids, I had at one point, 3 dogs, two horses, two kids. Single mom and we really had to work together. That was when everybody was the most well-behaved because we had no choice. You let the dog out, you feed the dog, I'll walk the dog, that sort of thing, we all work together, and really what it teaches children is teamwork. I think mostly empathy because children somehow have a sense of, just as dogs do of children when they're sad, when they need, when they want to cuddle. Children are open to things with dogs that they're not always open to with other people.
I think no matter when you get a dog, no matter how old your children are, there are enormous benefits in a family to having any animal. Living with domesticated animals teaches us so many things. Having said that, what's right for your family, for your kids, for the dog that you bring into the family, it is so important that if you have an infant, which dog you bring into the house, at which stage. The match is really important.
If you have toddlers, if a dog is fearful and decides to leave a room, and that's a dog's body language by a dog saying, "I'm really not comfortable here, I'm going to take myself out of this." Toddlers follow when a dog leaves a room. That becomes a situation that puts a dog in a compromising position where the dog is saying, "Well, wait a minute, my body left the room because I don't want to feel fear and I don't want to hurt anybody." If you have a toddler, you have to make sure that-- again, you're the parent watching the toddler at all times to make sure that if the dog's body language says, "I need to take myself out of this situation," that you teach your toddler, "The puppy is leaving the room, we stay here."
Again, the match, I have two rescue Weimaraners. One, she's tolerant of children, loves infants because they don't move, but the minute they start moving and the minute they start walking toward her, she's a little pensive. I have another one that he only wants you to wrap your arms around him. I have a 4-year-old granddaughter and her best friend is that dog. He just wants to be with her. They're a better match than the other two. When you get a dog, understanding that the match, individuals, not necessarily breed, you consider who your child is, are they gentle, are they rambunctious, are they overzealous, are they loud. If you have an overzealous loud kid, bringing a dog into the house that's noise-sensitive, not the best match.
Diana: Jumping off of that, I've seen a lot of kids, and not intentionally, but they're not the nicest to dogs. They pull hair, they step on them, they fall on them, they chase them, and I think it can be tough to know what to do in those situations, especially if it's just a constant-- this is happening all the time. Do you have any advice for people who maybe got a dog first and then had the baby, you know? [laughs]
Jodi: Yes. I'm glad you said that. I'm glad you said, "Got a dog first," because I was going to say, if you have a child that really treats animals that way, just wait and don't get a dog yet. Everybody's family is different and the timing is different, but let's say you have your dog or dogs, from moment one, teaching a child “gentle” is so important. That's that lesson of empathy and “that hurts.” You don't want to hurt mommy, you don't want to hurt the dog.
You guys are going to find this out. The things that babies do and how strong they are will amaze you. As soon as they grab your hair, you're not going to believe how strong an infant can be. They lock into it and pull, and you think to yourself, "What do I want my baby to understand?" It's very gently uncurling the fingers and saying, "That hurts mommy, be gentle."
Same thing. You're teaching them the same thing with a dog. Understanding what it feels like when they grab you, the second they grab the dog, it's “gentle.” The other thing that I have found with children, because I do a lot of work with children, with families, telling them what not to do is fine. Telling them what not to do and then what to do is how you get the job done. It's the same thing with dogs. If I have a dog jumping on me and I say, "Off," and the dog gets off and I say, "Good off," then the dog's just going to jump right back on because the dog says, "Well, I want your attention and I'm a dog and this is how I do it."
If I teach that dog, "Off, sit," and then I give the dog the attention, I stop that whole, "Off, off, off, off," argument over and over again because then the dog says, "Oh, I get it. You don't want me up there, but you want me down here," and then I'll get what I want. With children, it's exactly the same thing. Be gentle with the dog and then do this. The first thing I taught my granddaughter who was raised in COVID, they have three dogs and three cats. Imagine that she spent the first two years of her life, three dogs, and three cats, knowing no people. She only understands meowing and barking. That's it. [laughs]
The first thing that I wanted to teach her was that not every dog is your dog. If we're out in the street, the first thing you do is hold your hand, open it lower than the dog's nose, and wait. I thought if I don't teach her that, she's going to run up to the face of every dog because to her, she's been raised 24/7 in the face of every dog. Teaching her what to do was so much more helpful than saying to her, "No, that's not your dog. You can't say hello to that dog." Remember that when it comes to dogs and kids, both sides of the equation, this isn't a good idea, but if you do this, what you want to happen will happen.
Elara: What are some tips you would have for expecting parents who are going to be bringing a baby home soon to help baby-proof your dog before the baby's arrival? I've heard all different types of things like, "Save the first diaper and let the dog sniff it. Maybe bring back a blanket, let the dog--" What would be some--
Jodi: I love that. Elara, you are going to have your baby soon, and Diana, you have time, so two different things. With you, Elara, I think what you really should do is take that receiving blanket that has the after-birth on it. You don't need a diaper. Just the afterbirth is great. Bring it home, give it to the dogs, let them have it, and they get used to-- put it in a baggie in the hospital so that it still has that really good scent because with dogs, the olfactory system determines so many things. If you smell like me, you must be like me, and if you smell like me, maybe we're family.
When I have a situation where let's say I'm fostering a dog and I bring that dog into my house, the first thing that I'm going to do is I'm going to take the same shampoo I use on my dogs and bathe that dog in it because now it's something similar. There's something familial about us. The same thing, if you take the receiving blanket, you bring it home, give it to the dogs. the other thing that's going to show you is just how zealous they will be with that.
I want you to say, "Oh my God, Jodi, I brought the receiving blanket home and one of them just tore it to shreds." Then your dog is sort of saying, "This is just too exciting. I don't know how to handle myself." That's the dog that needs a little bit more attention with, "Easy, off, leave it," but you don't want to spend your time telling the dog when you bring the baby home, "Leave it, off," then the dog starts to become afraid of every time you walk in the room with the baby, the dog leaves.
What you want to remember is what we just talked about both sides of the equation, "Leave it, good, leave it," and then let the dog see the baby. You know your dogs better than anyone else. You know whether or not your dog is okay with a baby. You are the mom of all of the babies now. You're the mom of all the creatures, so when you bring your baby in to a situation-- the first time I brought my first daughter in, my grandparents were in the house and my grandfather was having-- oh my God, he was having a meltdown, like, "Oh my God, you're letting the dog touch the baby." I remember just looking over the room and saying, "Papa, sit, stay quiet." I just reached down and I let my dog have my baby.
Now, she was in my arms and I knew my dog. He was very gentle, but even in his excitement and in his gentle ways, he knocked her around a bit and I just, "Easy, just easy." Then, he got a little calmer. The more he listened to me, the more of her I let him have. They ended up being the best of friends. Greatest thing that ever happened to him was she learned to throw food. The greatest thing that ever happened to her was that he would pull her socks off when I was holding her.
Elara: Oh my gosh, that's so cute.
Jodi: The belly laughs that came from her and the games. He basically taught her how to stand up and walk. Every dog is different. I keep repeating that because as long as you understand that one of your dogs may be okay, one may not. Follow their reactions to the baby as to how much help they need and in which situations they need the help. Teach your children, teach your dog. We're talking about an infant so teach your dog. You can't teach the baby. As soon as you can, you start teaching the baby “gentle” and you teach the dog the same thing. Rewarding both of them.
Diana: That's such good advice. I love the idea of the rewarding. Shifting a little bit away from kids and families, what do you think about getting a second dog and when is the right time to get a second dog? Do you think that two dogs are easier than one?
Jodi: Wow. All those questions. Two are never easier than one, but you don't know that till you get two.
Elara: I can attest for that.
Jodi: I've had as many as five at one time. When I would walk them in the neighborhood, people would stop their car and say, "Do you have a card?" I'd say, "No, I'm not a dog walker." Then, they would just think, "She's insane so I wouldn't let her walk my dog anyway." Don't ever get your dog a dog. Should I have a baby for my baby? That's what I want you to ask your question. If the answer is, "Yes, because I want one." Then, you are getting the second dog.
Get as many as you want. I have found that feral dogs, dogs that are not socialized properly as youngsters, dogs that have lived on the streets, they really need another dog. They speak each other's language and it is the language that has really been burned into their soul. Where other domesticated dogs, if you socialize them properly from the very beginning, from the day they're born till they're seven weeks old, till they come to you at 8 or 12 weeks, and then you begin to show them the outside world, those dogs are just as comfortable with people as they are with dogs.
I've had dogs that are “dogs dogs” and I've had dogs that are “people dogs.” Now, my dogs could care less really about other dogs. They just want to know where the people are and it's who they are, the individual. If you have an individual dog that seems very fearful of people and you say, "I think I need to get another dog." You make sure that the fearful dog chooses the dog that's coming into the house.
By that, I mean give them time and open space, a fenced-in area where they can meet and their body language will tell you, "I think we could be friends." If you have a dog that is submissive and is fearful and is shy but seems, every time you're walking that dog, to be dying to get over to the other dog on the other side of the street in a friendly way, maybe your dog would do best with another dog.
If you make sure the dog you bring in as a second dog is very social and very friendly and very people-oriented, it will teach your shy, fearful dog, "I'm watching you and that's working for you. Maybe I can try it too." Oftentimes, again, choosing the right dog. If you have a dog who is dominant, don't get another dominant dog because then you end up with, "Gee, we were having a fine time as a family of one dog and now all we have is problems. These two fight all the time."
When I say fight, I don't mean dog fight. I mean these two, they're just not a great energy match. Energy matching is really important. If you're going to get a second dog, whether it's a puppy, if you have a dominant female and you go to a breeder and you don't tell them that and they choose a dominant female for you to bring home, in no time that puppy is not a puppy anymore and you have two--
You guys know, two girls that have the same dominant energy, not always great. It's a good idea to think about, "I have a really squishy, sweet, shy boy, maybe I'll get him a girl that can show him the ropes because she's got some courage." That's a great match.
Elara: That's all fascinating. I actually have-- Just to share a little bit about me, I have an 11-year-old Australian Red Merle Shepherd female, very alpha, very dominant, lifts up her leg when she goes to the bathroom. Last November, I got an eight-week-old Tri Merle male puppy and I would consider him a beta. He's very submissive, but he's very playful and gentle and sweet. Even though there's a huge difference in terms of their age, he's now about 15 months old, it's a really good energy match, to your point, where he gets confidence from being around her, but he also doesn't mess with her.
Jodi: That's right.
Elara: It's this nice yin and yang that they've developed.
Jodi: That's exactly what I'm talking about. If you take the time to consider who you're marrying with your dogs, the odds of a better relationship are there. Now, you'll also find in a situation like yours, Elara, and correct me if I'm wrong, your female, she schools your male.
Elara: Yes.
Jodi: We also have to consider that they speak each other's language. It is their first language. It is the language they understand better than we do. You'll find that if you're trying to teach your dog something, and over and over again, it's not working. Then, you see one of your dogs teach the other in a fraction of a second. Wow. I don't want him bothering me while I'm eating and this is taking weeks and then he goes over to her and she turns around and snaps at him once and he goes, "Okay, fine. I won't do that again." It's really amazing.
Again, we can learn a lot if we have two dogs just from watching their behavior. An energy match makes for a very happy family. It's really important.
Diana: If you have a male, do you think it's best to always get a female to balance male-female? Or do you think it more just depends on those energy matches like you were saying?
Jodi: It depends on the energy match. Personally, I'd rather have 10 male dogs than two females. The wrath of a female is a tough thing. I've learned that my male dogs really are little boys. Some people will tell you that in some breeds, male-female really matters and in others, it doesn't. The truth of the matter is two alpha females, it's a hard thing for them to live with each other. There's always something that they're competing for.
That doesn't mean females don't get along, but I have found in my experience with the dogs I've lived with-- Not the dogs I have worked with, but the dogs I have lived with because I live with them 24/7. I think my males are just, "Let the party start. Whatever happens, happens." My females have always been very discerning, "Maybe I'll do that today, but not tomorrow." I think if you are very careful about the energy match, then the gender matters less.
If you're not careful about the energy match, then male-female is usually the easiest way to go, but not always the best. Individual behavior and the lifestyle of that dog, what that dog needs, is far more important. I don't care what age the dog is. When puppies are born, in their litter, the dynamic of who's going to be the alpha, who's going to be the beta, who's going to be the omega, all of that happens the moment they're born in the first 49 days before they come to you. So who they're going to be, they're going to be.
Even if you're bringing a puppy in, it's a good idea to-- If it's a good breeder, and good breeders will always help you choose a dog, if not choose one for you. That's actually a gift. People say all the time to me, "Oh my God. I can't wait to get a pick of the litter." You don't want a pick of the litter. You want the breeder to pick which one of the litter is going to be a better fit. Are you home all day? Is that dog needy? Do you have a very social lifestyle and that dog is shy? They know their puppies. If you're going to go to a breeder, it's really important that that breeder asks you those questions and helps you choose male, female, alpha, omega, beta, whatever, middle of the road.
If you're going to a rescue or a shelter-- That's one of the reasons that we created How I Met My Dog because you're going to a shelter and you're choosing a face, "Oh my God, isn't that dog cute?" You're going online, "Oh my God, isn't that dog cute?" Then, you bring it home. You try it on. It doesn't work. You bring it back. Every year, 4 million dogs end up in shelters and only half of them ever end up in another home, and not always the right home. We created How I Met My Dog so that we could ask behavior lifestyle questions of pet parents and behavior lifestyle questions of the shelters that have the dogs and we could say, "Okay, this is a good match."
With us, it's all done online, but we only send you matches. We don't send you every dog that fits your preference criteria. We send you every match that fits your behavior and lifestyle criteria so you are not disappointed and the dog thrives. Even if you're getting a dog from a shelter, understanding the needs of that individual dog. I've had rescues and I've had dogs from breeders and my rescue dogs are superb. Not that my breeder dogs haven't been, but my rescue dogs-- I think most dogs that are in shelters are there because they're smarter than the people that got them the first time so you have really good dogs there.
Diana: Oh, gives me goosebumps.
Elara: Well, there's definitely been such an influx of people adopting dogs over the last couple of years with COVID. I can't begin to name all the different people who I think didn't grow up with dogs, but then during quarantine, they ended up just, "I was online and I adopted a dog." There was this huge influx of new-time dog owners and then of course things opened back up and sadly I heard about a lot of cases where the dogs had to be rehomed. I guess that leads me to the question, Jodi, of what are some signs that maybe it isn't a good match and it would be worth rehoming and what's a good way to go about that process?
Jodi: In my opinion, there's very few reasons to rehome a dog other than safety for the dog or someone in the family. Two dogs don't get along and they're isolated and isolation is not the way to live your life. You have a dog that is fearful of a child and a child that keeps getting into a situation where it could be in some sort of danger if a dog decides to protect itself. In situations like that, situations where a person has unfortunately fallen into financial hardship and can't care for the dog, you have to move and where you're going, you can't take your dog. Those are reasons to rehome a dog.
That brings me to the second platform that we created, this sister site to How I Met My Dog. We are matching rescue dogs with adopters. COVID happens and now there's no dogs in shelters, there's no transports bringing them from the South to the North. We say, what are we going to do for all these people that are bringing these dogs into their homes to make sure they stay in the homes?
We take the same algorithm that we created, that behavior and lifestyle, bring to the surface which dog and which person are a good match and we bring to the surface where in the relationship with the dog you're already living with, are things good and where could you use a little help so that we could send you custom training and behavior and lifestyle tips to make the relationship you have with the dog you're already living with the best it can be. Before you give up on a dog, notwithstanding the list I just gave you, safety, happiness, health of the dog, consider things like that.
The first thing you do is you get help from a professional. There's a lot of people out there today that really are good and can help. Just make sure that whoever you hire to help you with your dog is someone you want to come open the door, come in your living room, stay for dinner, and you're sad they're leaving because you want your dog to feel that way. If your dog can't wait till that person leaves the room or you can't, they're not going to work. Make sure whoever you hire is someone that you're really warm to so that your dog will too.
Have them explain why they're asking you to do things because if you don't understand why you're doing something with your dog, you're not going to follow through and that they work directly with the family because the dynamic of what's going on with your dog is happening in your house, not in their house. If in the case of sending a dog, just make sure they come home and show you what they've done because if you don't follow through, it's simply one more language the dog learned to speak while they were away and then they lose it when they come home. It's really important and you have to be comfortable with everything that you're doing or again, it's not a natural follow-through.
If you need to rehome a dog, one of the tools that we have on How I Met My Dog is I don't want to send my dog to a shelter. I want to rehome my dog. You go on, you take the quiz and it's all about who your dog is, their favorite sleeping spot, if they're treat motivated, if they're cuddlers. Then we take that profile and run it through the same database of adopters that want to adopt a dog from a shelter. We can help you if you need to rehome a dog avoid the trauma of going to a shelter. That's not to say that all shelters are bad, but dogs are not naturally meant to live in brick-and-mortar spaces. Putting a dog in a situation where they go from home to home is much better.
The other thing that would be really a good idea, if you decide that it is time to re-home your dog is to see if you have a friend or a family member who's willing to foster that dog. All kinds of steps before you end up at the shelter, because most shelters are overworked, underpaid volunteers, they just don't have a whole lot of time. Putting a dog again in a kennel situation, short term is fine but long term is not. Whether you have a dog that has tough behavior issues, be very honest with the shelter so that they place the dog in the right next home, and be very honest with a foster so that they give the dog what they need. That's really important.
Diana: I think that's such an incredible resource and we'll be sure to link that in our show notes. You've mentioned a lot about how important the match is and I think a lot of people go into getting a dog hoping to never rehome. This is a relationship that lasts hopefully 15 years, although I knowa lot of us don't get to that point. What advice would you give people wanting a dog who want to find that right match? Whether it's in terms of how to look for a personality, what breed to get, both maybe going to a breeder and looking for a rescue?
Jodi: If you're looking for a rescue dog, I'd really, and I'm not saying this because it's my company, but go to How I Met My Dog and put on a profile. We'll send you dogs that match. If we don't send you a dog that matches, then maybe we'll send you one that we find you in a week or a month. This is a process, it's free and there's no harm in having a resource because we match based on behavior and lifestyle, not breed. You can't tell us what breed you want. We probably end up showing you the breeds you want because I contend the questions we ask you bring you right to the dog you want. It's usually a certain type of dog.
If you're going to a breeder, really let a breeder help you choose. As we discussed before, pick of the litter is not a privilege, pick of the litter doesn't mean you're doing the right thing. Nobody knows those puppies better than the person who birthed them. The other thing is that I would like to really say be cautious of those places that say, "We'll ship a dog, we'll meet you on the highway, I'll have someone drive the dog to you." Places that don't want you to see where those dogs are being whelped or places you don't want a dog being bred in. Again, very few regulations. Massachusetts is a state that has pretty tight Department of Agriculture regulations, but the Midwest does not.
You have to really be careful if you're going to look at an ad online that says we sell puppies and they have 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 breeds. Usually, it's a farm, it's a breeding farm. I'm not sure that we will ever shut those places down. In a lot of cases, I consider those expensive rescues. The more need those people have to breed, the longer this goes on. Be careful if someone says, I would like to sell you the dog and if you pay extra, I'll ship the dog or I'll have someone drive the dog to you. Just say, no, thanks. I'll come and get the dog.
If they really push back then, "Oh, well, I have someone the next neighborhood over who's getting a dog that day and it doesn't make sense for you to come here because I'll just put that dog in the car and kill two birds with one stone." Those are red flags. Usually, dogs that are bred in puppy mills, and there are many that are wonderful, wonderful. They come to you as babies, but they didn't get what they needed from the start. Although many of those dogs grow up to be wonderful, perfect, it's a lottery and you want to lessen the lottery and you want to increase the chances that this dog has the best shot at the best life with the first family it goes to. You have to think about where you're getting the dog.
Elara: Going back to the energy match, Jodi, at what age would you say it's pretty definitive, what type of energy, what type of personality your dog has? I ended up getting my puppy, Albee, when he was nine weeks old. I spent hours on the phone with the breeder months before with her getting to know me, what personality would work well with my older dog and then I FaceTimed Albee, I got to meet him, I got to watch him, got to see his environment, and it seemed like the right fit. For a lot of people, to your point, they don't do that. They're just looking at a photo online and just pulling the trigger and the dog shows up. At what age can you get a sense of this is the type of personality this dog is going to have if you don't necessarily have the resources of a breeder?
Jodi: From the very beginning. If you've ever had the privilege of watching puppies being born, you could almost see from minute one who's getting the best milk station. It's just a thing. It happens immediately. The dynamic and how they play with each other begins immediately. They learn bite inhibition from each other. If one puppy bites another and the puppy that's being bitten screams and runs off, he just taught the stronger biting puppy, "Oh, that was too hard and it ended the game so next time, I won't do it that hard." They learn things like that from each other. When you get a dog that you don't know, it's a lottery.
I go to a shelter and there's a dog there that is terribly shy, shaking, doesn't know who to even look at, afraid to make eye contact, but the shelter worker says to me, "This is who she or he is with people they don't know." They were dropped off by their first family. They really don't know where they are. They're very upset, but as soon as that dog gets to know somebody, they warm up and they come out of their shell. Knowing just that, so anyone who is caring for a dog, if they're in a shelter, you want to talk to the person who has face time with that dog.
One of the questions that we ask on how I met my dog when a dog is in a brick-and-mortar shelter is, it's all multiple-choice questions. The answers might be, turns away, cowers, comes up to the gate, seems to want attention. The question is, this dog reacts like this when an unfamiliar person walks by. You're not in a home, it's very different, it's unnatural. Let's say they check off, turns its face to the wall, and cowers.
Now the next question with the same answers. This dog reacts this way when approached by a familiar shelter worker. If that behavior changes, then instantly our algorithm says, this dog just needs a little time. We want to put this dog with a patient person. You can make these energy matches. You get to know a dog the moment you meet them, but you have to take a little time. If I'm going to a shelter, I say, "Okay, I want to meet the dog in a shelter environment." Now I want to go into outdoors, enclosed environment.
Some people will say, "I went to the shelter and the dog didn't pay any attention to me and the kids." That dog's been possibly stuck in a cement cage for a while and then you take the dog outside to meet the kids, and every smell and sight and sound is a sensory overload. Expect to have the kids sit in a chair in the middle of the outdoor enclosure and just do nothing. Give the dog a few minutes to really just come down from all the smells and the sights and see if he or she notices the kids and then see what happens.
Very overwhelming for a dog who's been displaced to all of a sudden be approached by a whole new set of circumstances, we would shut down. Oftentimes those dogs that shut down just need a little more time. You say, "I really like this dog. Today wasn't a great success. I'm coming back tomorrow," and now that dog says, "I smell you. I know you. You were here yesterday. Okay, maybe today I can get to know you." You can tell a dog's personality immediately, but if you are patient and you give them time, they open up like flowers.
Patience is key when rescuing a dog to get to know them. Don't expect them to walk out of the cage, straighten their tie, and say, okay, I'm ready to go home, Mom. They're not all like that. Then you get the ones that are so overzealous, that are so cage crazy. That doesn't mean that dog is going to be climbing your walls. Again, say, could I take that dog for a walk? If the walk ends up being you like a kite at the end of a string and you're flying all over the place, but you really like this dog, come back tomorrow and do it again, and give this dog a little bit of time to trip into your life where a puppy from a breeder, that's special delivery. It doesn't work that way with dogs in shelter. Some dogs it does. Some puppies it does, but if you want to know who a dog is, just watch your dog. Just let the dog tell you who they are.
Diana: Your site, How I Met My Dog, is that available across the US or is that available only in certain locations?
Jodi: Only in certain locations. It's available across the United States, but in 2019, we had 400 shelters loading dogs, and we had about 130,000 registered adopters looking for dogs and then everything dropped off, because the shelters, they stopped transporting. A lot of the dogs that we would match in the Northeast came from the South. All of that came to a halt. We still have shelters, which we were matching primarily in 39 states. All of that came to a halt with COVID, and now is slightly trickling back. Again, we always have more people looking for dogs than we have dogs, but we have some shelters that are always loading their dogs.
I think that if you go on, you do a profile and we don't find you a match, you're still looking for a dog. If we find you a match-- We've had situations where-- We were in USA Today and we were lucky enough to get the cover, and I think it was 2018, and this woman was sitting in her hotel lobby and she was reading it and she said, "Oh God, I just lost my dog and I'm really not ready and I'm still mourning but just for fun, I'm going to do this." She matched with this seven-year-old female pitbull that was in a shelter for eight months. I don't know if she was deaf or she was hearing impaired. She just didn't present well in a shelter situation, from the noise, from the sounds, it really stressed her out.
This woman and this dog, from her behavior and lifestyle perspective, from How I Met My Dog, from our algorithm, was a great fit. We matched her. She drove and got that dog. She applied for it online to How I Met My Dog, drove two states over, got that dog, reached out to us, and said they were so blown away. They said, "She was a pit." They said, "Never in a million years would we have ever said when we went on any site that said, which breed do you want, would we have chosen pitbull! She's our dog."
She said, "I saw it in her eyes. I went and got her. The woman at the shelter was crying, she's been here seven months, nobody even talks to her." She went home with this woman because they were a good lifestyle and behavior match. We can do that actually online, which is pretty incredible. Right now, doing a profile is going to yield you far less dogs. There would be a time when we could have sent you two, three matches a week. We don't have that kind of inventory anymore from the dog side, but it doesn't mean you shouldn't do it because there's that one dog and we might have that dog in the system and we find you and that dog and put you together.
Diana: You mentioned that this woman lost her dog. I think that one of the hardest things that I've ever gone through is losing-- Oh, it's been two and a half years and I still choke up about it, was losing my dog. I think for people, that is something that I want to touch on because we can't talk about the love and joy of getting a dog without also talking about how hard it can be to lose your dog. How do you know when your dog is ready? Do you have any advice for people who are navigating maybe the end of stages with their dog?
Jodi: Yes, I do. And it's such a tough topic. I have lots of advice for that because I've raised a lot of animals and lost a lot of animals. I'm going to work backward. I think our animals find us again. I don't think their energy is ever gone. I have lost dogs that have come back in horses for me, and I know it instantly. I'm not a grand believer in the cosmic decision, but I do believe that if you lose a dog or a cat or horse or a mouse, an animal that you love, if you leave your heart open, they'll find you again. Some way, somehow, they do. Could be in our children. You really don't know.
Diana: You’ve got me crying over here! [laughs]
Jodi: I always say to people,leave your heart open because they don't leave us. If you give an animal a good life, they never leave. It's just the way it is. The other thing that I would say is, we've made great strides in elderly animal medicine. There are now vets that will come to your home and it's almost a ceremony at end of life. People ask me all the time, I don't know why, but I'm always the one that people call from a training standpoint, is it time? There's no way I can tell you, but I can tell you this, it is a gift to be able to decide when a creature you love should no longer have any bad days. We can't do that for our human relatives and the people we love, we are stuck watching them suffer. You never have to watch an animal you love suffer and what a gift.
My way is Burger King, large fry, cheeseburger, bag of treats. Best day ever. In my arms, you're going. I want to die that way. Give me a big Mac or a Whopper and a large fry. Sing to me, stroke my head, and let me fall asleep. If we could, we would all choose that death. I would say this, I have always promised my animals no bad dates. Now that doesn't mean they don't have a bad day. I have a dog now that has seizures and they're bad and they're unpleasant and he's uncomfortable. When he's done, he doesn't remember them. I do. We march through that.
I would ask you, is the animal you love staying alive for you or for them? If the answer is for you, it's time. I know people who-- Basically, and I'm going to say this facetiously, but the dog can't see, the dog can't hear. The dog is on two legs, not three, not four. Now it's time to have the tongue taken out. They're like, "But I can feed him through a straw." There's a quality of life that we have the gift to say, “that's enough.” This dog, this cat, this animal has given me everything. What forward looks like doesn't look any better. They're here for me. I have more people that say I just can't, I'm not ready. I want anyone who's listening just to think about, are you not ready for them, or for you? That's all.
A girlfriend of mine had an Aussie and she was 17 and she got another Aussie in the house. Then her daughter got another Aussie, so there's two youngsters and this 17-year-old. She kept saying to me, "I just don't know. I just don't know." We talked about it and what made it seem easier for her is that today there are these, as I mentioned, vets who come to the house and it's a ceremony. The day she was looking forward to the least in her life and ended up being one of her best days. They had this wonderful 17-year-old dog who was really done. For them, she would've just kept going. For her, they gave her this gift, the vet came, they went outside in the sunshine. I also believe if you have the opportunity to let your dog go outside, I think it's easier for them to go up and then come back.
At any rate, it ended up being a ceremony where the adult kids all came to the house and everybody surrounded this dog. The vet was there and they were there and they ended up saying it was the most beautiful day and it was the day they were most afraid of and it shouldn't have been. I believe that the best way to mend a broken heart is to glue it back together with another animal. People say, "I can't do that to my dog. They just died." I say, "Well, what a tribute to that dog that you can't live without another one."
Our pets and death are this subject that no one wants to talk about. If you frame it that, I'm not going to worry how long my dog has quality of life, because as soon as that quality of life is gone, I'm going to intervene and make things easy. You guys are about to have babies. You'll see that, you'll step in front of a moving truck so that your kid doesn't get hurt. You do the same thing for your pet.
Elara: I love that. I think that's beautiful. I think Diana and I are both thinking about some past dogs that we've had to let go and cross over the rainbow bridge to the other side. We feel lucky that we were able to guide them through that process, especially after what you just brought us through Jodi. Thank you.
Jodi: Good.
Elara: I don't think that this is a downer to wind down the podcast on. Like you said, it's a celebration of a life that's a gift that we're able to give our dogs. Usually when we end our podcasts, Jodi, we like to ask two questions, which we can stay within the dog realm or you can, go outside the box and make it a bit more general. I will sling it over to Diana to ask the first question. Then I'll follow up with the second.
Diana: Our first question is, what is a life lesson that you've had to learn the hard way?
Jodi: I think, as we grow up, we're impatient always to get to the finish line. I think taking your time, which is something, I'm 65 and I still I'm working on it. I think I've learned from all of the dogs that I have worked with over the years and their families, that if we were to slow down and not be in such a rush and consider what each of us needs, whether it's our dogs, whether it's our animals, whether it's our spouses, whether it's our children, slow down and try to be more understanding of the people that are closest to you.
Elara: Oh, good answer. Question number two. What is a piece of advice that you've been given by a family member, a friend you came across online, or reading that has stuck with you?
Jodi: Wow. This is an easy one, Elara. Believe it or not, I got this from my therapist about 20 years ago, and it has become part of the foundation of how I live every day. This is the greatest thing that she ever told me. I was having an issue. I don't remember what the issue was. I don't know if it was about raising the kids or in my personal life, I have no idea. I was having trouble figuring out how to control a situation that was out of control for me.
She told me this great story. She was in her 70s at the time, and she said she and her husband decided they were going whitewater rafting, and they were going to Colorado. They went, and they're in their 70s, and they took this course. The course was, if the water's coming from this way, put your paddle this way, and if the water's coming from this way, put your paddle this way. If the water comes this way, lean this way and put your paddle this way.
When they were all done with the lesson, the guide said, and just so you know, all the things I just taught you are meaningless because you can't control the river. That has been my mantra. The last Aussie that came into my best friend's life, it's her daughter's dog, and her name is River because you can't control the river. We all live by it. It's the greatest thing. Whenever you are in any situation, baby won't go to sleep. You've got too much work on your plate and you don't know how you're going to finish it. You need to go somewhere and the weather sucks. You can't control the river. Take a deep breath and let it go.
Diana: Wow. Jodi, this has just been such an incredible episode. I am so excited for everyone to listen to it. I could interview you for or talk to you I guess for hours and hours. It just, you're incredible.
Jodi: Thank you.
Diana: Where can people find you and where can they find all of the incredible resources that you have created for people to find their dogs?
Jodi: howimetmydog.com, and then competibility.com. howimetmydog.com if you're looking for a dog and Competibility, if you're living with a dog and you just want to have some fun and get some tips on how to have a good relationship with your dog. That's the best way to find me.
Elara: Jodi, it has been such a pleasure. For any of the listeners out there, if you're interested on us having Jodi come back onto the podcast for another episode, because as Diana said, we could just keep going. This has already been one of our longest episodes ever, and I could happily continue, for another two, three hours. Drop it in the comments below and we will try and have the wonderful Jodi Andersen on again.
Jodi: Thank you. Thank you guys so much.
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