In this two-part episode of Steeped in Wellness, we sit down with Elara just a few weeks before her due date, and again four weeks postpartum, to track her journey into life with two under two. Starting with a check-in during her 37th week of pregnancy, we cover everything from how she’s feeling physically and emotionally to how different this pregnancy has been from her first. Right away, Elara shares that her baby is tracking big—over seven pounds at 37 weeks—and while the measurements aren’t always accurate, she’s mentally preparing for another big baby, maybe even over nine pounds. We revisit her desire to attempt a VBAC (vaginal birth after C-section), and how she’s weighing the pros and cons as her due date approaches. The goal is simple: a healthy baby, a healthy mom, and as short a hospital stay as possible.
We talk through what she’s hoping for in her second labor—ideally, an unmedicated vaginal delivery with minimal tearing and a quick discharge—but she’s also staying flexible. We go into her thoughts on epidurals, eating during labor (spoiler: she’s not doing the ice chips-only route again), and why she’s planning to bring snacks and electrolytes, including matcha.com’s MATCHA-AID, to help stay energized. The conversation drifts into fertility tracking, how baby #2 came to be (some great honesty there about apps, timing, and yes, the pullout method), and the emotional whirlwind of finding out she was pregnant again with a baby who was not necessarily “planned,” but very much wanted.
We also laugh through some pregnancy side stories—like how Elara, in a burst of nesting energy, ended up buying two guinea pigs named Baloney and Bonsai. But beneath the humor, there’s real emotion. She opens up about the sadness of saying goodbye to her solo time with her firstborn Koa, and the anxiety of wondering how her heart will stretch to love a second child as much as the first.
Fast forward, and we’re back 4-weeks post-birth. Elara shares the full story: she ended up having a scheduled C-section after her 40-week ultrasound estimated the baby would be over 9.5 pounds. With growing concerns about blood pressure and her history of postpartum preeclampsia, she chose the safest option for herself and baby—and it turned out to be the right call. Archer Kai was born at 9 lbs, 9 oz, and despite her disappointment about not going for a VBAC, she had a smoother recovery this time. No mag drip, fewer hospital days, and more confidence in herself.
We dive deep into the postpartum experience: the balance between a newborn and toddler, nursing the second time around, the mental health side of recovery, and the small but crucial routines that make the days work—like hot showers, face care, and more. Elara talks candidly about her more relaxed attitude with Archer: feeding on demand, saying "no" to rigid wake windows, and not stressing over being the baby’s only food source. She’s open to formula, combo feeding, and just doing what works for the whole family.
Elara shares how Archer's temperament is already so different from Koa’s. He’s chill, calm, and easier to nurse. And somehow, through the chaos of managing two kids, two dogs, a cat, and guinea pigs, she’s found more love and patience than ever. The episode ends with a powerful “Just You Wait” that celebrates the beauty of the postpartum period—not just the hard parts. She reminds us that yes, it's exhausting, but it’s also full of wonder, growth, and unexpected love.
Jon Gay (00:01):
Welcome to Steeped in Wellness, brought to you by matcha.com. Here we spill the tea on wellness trends, personal growth, and the latest health news. Now, here are your hosts, licensed dietician, Diana Weil and Medical journalist, Elara Hadjipateras.
Diana Weil (00:17):
Hello everyone and welcome to this week's episode. We are doing a solo Diana and Elara episode. And Jon, if you've got some questions for Elara too.
Elara is weeks away from welcoming her second baby, so we thought it'd be fun to hop on here and see how she's feeling. And then we'll come back in a couple weeks and see how baby number two is settling in. So, Elara, how are you feeling?
Elara Hadjipateras (00:42):
Very pregnant, I guess would be the first description. So, I went for my final ultrasound this morning in my 37th week of pregnancy. So, give or take, we're looking at like three weeks away.
Jon Gay (00:57):
So, just to timestamp this, we're recording this on June 17th, and your due date is Elara?
Elara Hadjipateras (01:02):
It's July 7th. So, officially like three weeks away, but at this point I'm considered like early term, so I hypothetically could give birth now, which is kind of a crazy thought. But it also could be up to … some people, they carry for 40 to 42 weeks which I know probably won't be the case for me, which I'll get into on this episode. But it's kind of crazy.
So, I went to the ultrasound this morning and baby is tracking in the 87th percentile for weight. These things are completely inaccurate, which I'm sure a lot of mothers listening know, but they're clocking him in at around seven pounds, three ounces right now, which is like almost the weight that my first baby weighed when he was born at 40 weeks.
So, significantly bigger. Hypothetically they say that a baby in the last month or two of your pregnancy, you kind of should be gaining like an ounce every day for the baby. So, at that rate (laughs), if I went to 40, 41 weeks, he'd be over a nine-pound baby.
Jon Gay (02:07):
Now, if you listen to our previous episode, Elara and Diana talk about their C-sections, Elara was hoping to deliver naturally this time as you're talking about this baby getting bigger and bigger (laughs) I'm a little concerned for you.
Elara Hadjipateras (02:19):
(Laughs) Oh my God. It's like literally the exact same thing my husband said to me in the car after the appointment. He's like, “So, you still feeling good about this whole vaginal birth after C-section with it being like a very large baby?” I was like, “Yeah (laughs).”
Diana Weil (02:33):
Here's the thing though, like you said, those things are so inaccurate. So, hearing that it's a big baby, knowing that it's inaccurate, are you able to set it aside and be like they don't know what they're talking about? Or are you feeling like okay, it is going to be a really big baby and you're nervous about it?
Elara Hadjipateras (02:48):
I'm not. I wouldn't say that it's adding any pressure of anything. It makes me feel good because I just — my overall spidey senses say that this baby's going to come early. He might arrive in two weeks instead of three weeks.
And it gives me, I guess, a sense of calm to know that he's on the bigger side, because then maybe he'd be ready to come out on the earlier side instead of it taking a little bit longer for him to come. I guess that's where my mind's at.
I'm also like I'm not a small person, guys. I am five foot eight. I'm a chunky pregnant woman at this point in time. I think my body could handle it. I've heard of people like much smaller than me pushing out eight, nine-pound babies. So, that doesn't scare me (chuckles).
Diana Weil (03:35):
So, one of the reasons that you had a C-section with Koa was that he was breech. Well, that was the main reason you had a C-section with Koa, was that he was breech. And this baby is… drum roll please.
Elara Hadjipateras (03:44):
Head facing down. Yep.
Diana Weil (03:47):
So, we already kind of talked about it. I think going for a VBAC, but I know that that's something that you've been kind of debating.
Jon Gay (03:54):
And VBAC for those of you who aren't aware, vaginal birth after C-section.
Diana Weil (03:57):
Good job Jon. So, I'm hesitant to say birth plan because as we know, there is no plan. But where are you at right now? What do you want to have happen? Do you have a plan?
Jon Gay (04:08):
Ideally.
Elara Hadjipateras (04:09):
How about this? Yeah, I think that's the way to look at it, is like what would be the ideal way this goes? Two things are at the bottom of the line, which is that any birth that I have ends in a healthy baby and a healthy mom. So, that's like baseline what I want.
If I could have control over other factors, I would love to have a natural vaginal birth that does not involve a lot of tearing that does not involve hours of labor. That could involve a really quick turnaround of me getting out of the hospital within like 24 hours.
Compared to, say my last pregnancy where I was there, you're kind of after C-section, you're stuck in the hospital for at least three or four days. And then I got stuck there for a longer period of time because of having postpartum preeclampsia.
So, this time around, in an ideal world, I would love to spend as little time as possible in the hospital and get home quicker.
Diana Weil (05:00):
And where are you at with, do you want to do an epidural? Have you not decided, no epidural?
Elara Hadjipateras (05:05):
I want to try and do natural. I don't know, you guys know me. I've always kind of considered myself to be a little bit of a tough ass and stuff, and I'm kind of like well, I know X, Y, and Z, these people have done it without an epidural, like why can't I?
And I've heard obviously it's very painful to go the natural route, but at the same time, you really feel what's going on. You feel the baby traveling through the birth canal and coming into this life and I think would be amazing to have that sensation.
But once again, I'm going to go back to my whole thing of this isn't about me. This is about like the baby getting here safely at the end of the day. And if the doctor ends up recommending for whatever reason, it's going to help me to stay calm, to have an epidural or it is too much pain and I feel like I can't handle it in that moment, I'll do it. I'm not going to place too much judgment on myself for it.
The other thing I'm going to do is :I'm a hundred percent, as long as I'm not super nauseous and want to throw up from it, eat while I'm laboring. Because there's all these old wives tales where they don't let you eat and they only let you munch on ice chips for 24 or 48 hours. Which is crazy.
And it's the reason they have you do it is in case of having to put you fully under to do a totally emergency C-section, but you're doing the most exhausting, like calorie, what would the term be like?
Diana Weil (06:25):
Yeah, you need a lot of energy.
Jon Gay (06:26):
Calorie intensive, consuming most calories.
Elara Hadjipateras (06:28):
Right. And you're chewing on ice chips, like no. No, thank you.
Jon Gay (06:32):
Elara’s got the large pizza on speed dial she's like.
Diana Weil (06:36):
I will say I felt that way too, Elara. And I mean, everyone is so different, but I was like of course I'm eating during labor, that's crazy to think that I'm not going to eat. And then I did try to eat, and I immediately threw up (laughs).
Elara Hadjipateras (06:45):
So, yes. I may end up puking, which isn't great. So, maybe it's going to be more about getting fluids in.
Diana Weil (06:51):
Yeah. Or I think easy stuff like apple sauce or fluids that have sugar I feel like is the-
Jon Gay (06:59):
Can you do like a Gatorade or electrolytes?
Elara Hadjipateras (07:02):
Electrolyte. An electrolyte blend feels like a good idea or something with like coconut water. Water down with maybe some MATCHA-AID could be a good thing to do.
Jon Gay (07:12):
MATCHA-AID. I see you're drinking your matcha right now, Elara. What exactly is MATCHA-AID?
Elara Hadjipateras (07:17):
Oh, have we not talked about MATCHA-AID?
Jon Gay (07:19):
No, this is worth mentioning.
Elara Hadjipateras (07:20):
MATCHA-AID is a product that we actually have, the company that this podcast is sponsored by matcha.com. This sounds like a total plug because it is a plug. But it's a blend of matcha and electrolytes. I like to think of it as a healthier liquid iv.
Jon Gay (07:39):
Got it.
Diana Weil (07:40):
Yeah. It's delicious. It's the best.
Elara Hadjipateras (07:41):
Yeah.
Jon Gay (07:42):
Noted.
Elara Hadjipateras (07:43):
Yeah. Lemon flavored. The healthier Gatorade, the healthier liquid iv. We'll have to send you some so you can try it and tell us for yourself. It's also really good for a hangover.
Jon Gay (07:52):
Most of my drinking days are behind me, but never bad to have on hand (laughs). Got it.
Diana Weil (07:57):
Okay, Elara, let's walk it back to the beginning. Your babies are going to be how far apart?
Elara Hadjipateras (08:01):
One and a half years.
Diana Weil (08:02):
I just want to hear about how did baby number two … did you guys plan it? Did you not plan it? How are you feeling about that age gap? Take us back to the beginning.
Elara Hadjipateras (08:11):
Back to the beginning. It all started (laughs). I didn't get my period back until around six months postpartum. And it's when I cut down my milk supply. I was producing over 42 ounces a day, and then I cut it back down to around 20 ounces a day. And literally within that week, I got my first period back. It was in July.
And then I totally stopped breastfeeding by seven months. So, end of July going into August. And then I had, I guess two regular cycles, you would say like August. The first one was so weird, it lasted 10 days. It felt a lot. There was a lot of emotions.
Then August, normal, a weeklong for me. September, normal, a weeklong. And then October had my last period. Little did I know. And I had an app. I used this app called Natural Cycles where I can see based on whenever I get my pregnancy, you input like okay, I started my period this day, it kind of maps out for you usually how many days your period's going to be and then your safe days.
So, like if you're trying not to have a baby, you can have sex during these days. You're very unlikely to become pregnant versus your most fertile days.
Jon Gay (09:33):
That works either way, whichever you're trying to or not trying to.
Elara Hadjipateras (09:36):
Exactly. Yeah. And then there's other factors where the app asked you to take your temperature daily, which I have to just admit I was not doing, but that's apparently the most accurate way to go about cycle tracking and stuff.
But anyway, so I got my period the first week of October and then let's say my husband Peter and I had relations a week later, which it's not the fertile window, but it was for us (laughs).
Diana Weil (10:07):
But you weren't tracking, you were just using the estimates?
Elara Hadjipateras (10:10):
I was just using the estimates and quite frankly, we weren't using any form of protection. Up until this point, I mean, for full disclosure, we were using the pullout method, which we used successfully.
The first time around when I got pregnant, I stopped taking birth control six months before I got pregnant, thinking I want to flush this out of my system. And we practiced the pullout method that whole time and had no issues.
And then literally the second time we had sex without using the pullout method, Koa came into my womb and into this world. Much like Koa his brother, first time, it was a one and done. It was the one time we didn't use the pullout method.
Jon Gay (10:51):
Just to cover our bases as the producer, pullout method, not foolproof, not 100%. We are not endorsing that as a sole form of birth control.
Elara Hadjipateras (10:59):
No, no. Yes. It's not effective. But what's so funny is, I'm sure that Diana can remember back in October of last year. Literally right after my husband and I did the dirty deed, I kind of looked at him and I was like oh no, this feels like this may have stuck. And then even just a week later-
Jon Gay (11:20):
Could you phrase that any differently, please?
Elara Hadjipateras (11:22):
(Laughs) Yeah. And even a week later compared to the first pregnancy, I was kind of very in my head about it, and I was texting Diana, and I was like, “Diana, when is the earliest you're positive on a pregnancy test? Something just feels like it's cooking.” And a week later I took a pregnancy test, everything's negative, negative, negative, nothing's happening.
At that time in my life, my grandmother, God rest her soul, she had passed away. I remember being at her wake funeral and running to the bathroom and kind of almost feeling like morning sickness, nauseous, which I didn't experience with my first pregnancy. And I was just like this is weird. And I'm looking things up and it's like oh, some women do experience some morning sickness as early as the egg implanting itself, which is crazy.
So, then, low and behold, I waited another few weeks, so now it's like, the period was October 7th of last year, and then now we're at the end of October, towards Halloween. It was right after Koa had his baptism and I was home. And I had taken a couple tests, and they were kind of all negative, but I was like something just feels like it's cooking in there.
And at this point, I haven't missed my first period because the first period would be coming at the beginning of November, but the earliest a pregnancy test is positive is, like what does it say? A few days before you miss.
So, I finally reached that window after a lot of impatient testing and I peed on the stick, was carrying around Koa on my hip. Peter, my husband, was hanging out on the couch. And I remember after we had our unprotected sex moment in October, he kind of was like, “I'm telling you we're really fertile. This was not a practice round, like you said it was, this was it.”
And so, I walked into the room, and I remember seeing a really faint pink line. I think at this point I've already texted Diana, by the way, a photo of this pink line even before Peter found out, I was like oh, no. Yes.
Jon Gay (13:25):
Did you also tell Diana before Peter over your first pregnancy too? I remember-
Elara Hadjipateras (13:28):
Yes.
Diana Weil (13:29):
Well, and I told her too before Harley knew.
Jon Gay (13:31):
Okay, there you go.
Elara Hadjipateras (13:32):
Yes. Yeah. So, this is just kind of par for the course. Yeah, Diana knew about Koa before Peter, my little 8-year-old neighbor who's now his godmother and my brother and then Peter found out.
This time around, it was only Diana. She got the text with the faint pink line to guarantee. I'm like, “Am I seeing things or is that really there?” And she was like-
Diana Weil (13:51):
It was there.
Elara Hadjipateras (13:53):
It was there. And then I went into the room, and I was like, “You can say I told you so (laughs).” Kind of showed him, I had Koa hand him over the test and he just goes (deadpan), “Yay (laughs).”
Jon Gay (14:09):
I don't have kids, but a lot of my friends and relatives who are fathers, the reaction to the second is not always the same as the reaction to the first.
(Laughter)
Elara Hadjipateras (14:19):
No, no. Well, and I keep in mind the age difference. So, when we're finding out this information, Koa isn't even one years old yet, he is around 9, 10 months. He's kind of just in the thick of like crawling and us chasing him. So, we're in it.
Diana Weil (14:36):
And you're not sleeping.
Elara Hadjipateras (14:37):
You're not sleeping. At least my guy was not sleeping, and we were not sleeping. It was really hard this time.
So, yeah, it was a bit of a shock where it's one of those things where we always knew we wanted to have kids close in age. I think we were thinking maybe it was going to be more a two-year age gap, towards the end of the year.
I mean, I had just started fitting back into my normal jeans literally for a two-week period. And then this happened. And then any mothers of multiples know that, compared to the first pregnancy, the second and subsequent pregnancies, everything just gets bloated and bigger faster and the pants don't fit (laughs).
Diana Weil (15:12):
Yeah. Can you tell us, I want to get into that. So, I'm curious, what's different between this pregnancy and last pregnancy? Not just physically, but also mentally.
Elara Hadjipateras (15:20):
Well, mentally you have less time to focus on it. I remember the first pregnancy, I had an app, I'm like wow, he's the size of an apple this week. Or like he's a papaya, how amazing. And I'd look up what are the other things he's the size of, oh, Kodak camera. Awesome.
And this time around I'm like I don't know, he's normal, he's healthy. You're less obsessed with having to get into the doctor as fast. I remember with the first one, I was kind of like when's the earliest I can do an ultrasound and can I kind of do one every few weeks just to make sure everything's okay? Versus this time around it's like okay.
Jon Gay (15:57):
And your attention's split because you have a little one to look out for anyway.
Elara Hadjipateras (16:01):
Yes, yes. And it's funny, in the first few months, it doesn't really seem — it's quite surreal, I mean, I had morning sickness, which I didn't have the first time around, which was not so fun.
And then as far as second to third trimester, I've had a lot of acid reflux, which I did not have the first time around, which is miserable. It used to be quelled by eating a lot of TUMS, but not even TUMS can help me now.
Diana Weil (16:26):
It's the worst.
Elara Hadjipateras (16:27):
Yeah. And like everything. I got acid reflux last night from eating Crispix and milk. Come on! Yeah, everything Jon, it's a lot.
But it's funny, it hasn't really hit me until the last probably few weeks where I've been looking at Koa and thinking, oh my God, this is kind of my last time I get to make it all about him and focus on my baby. Let's see if I can keep myself from getting emotional this time around.
But I look at him and I'm kind of like he's not going to be my little baby anymore; he's going to be this big brother. And you almost take a step back and you question; you're like you've put all of your love into this first child that you're like am I going to have enough (laughs) for it to go around for the second one? (Emotional)
And then I find myself going down these rabbit holes of looking up how do you balance having multiple kids, having two or three children? And I read these stories about how experts say oh, well, you just want to give each of your children at least just 15 minutes of your time a day. And I'm like that's nothing!
That's crazy that that's kind of what the bare minimum or amount that people go for. But when you're working a full-time job, that's kind of maybe sometimes the only thing you can manage, which is nuts.
So yeah, it's kind of a scary thing. You're like how am I going to expand my ability to love and manage my hours in the day to just fit in everything for them?
Jon Gay (18:00):
I've got to jump in here for a second. I know you two are thick as thieves, and so not to be third wheeling it here or anything, but I've known you both for a couple years now. I've known you both through your first pregnancies and this second one for you too now Elara. And I know you have a village there to help you as well.
But knowing you as I do and I understand where your concern is coming from, I am not worried about you and baby number two in the least. You got this.
Elara Hadjipateras (18:27):
Thank you, Jon, I appreciate hearing that. And also, you know how women tend to get a nesting instinct in their last few months (laughs)? I don't know if I've told you this yet, Jon, but-
Jon Gay (18:40):
You’ve apparently told Diana (Diana laughs) by her reaction.
Elara Hadjipateras (18:43):
Diana actually received the video where she, once again, she knew about what I did before Peter did. And then she was like please plant a camera and please capture Peter's reaction to what you've done.
Diana Weil (18:54):
But she did, and then she sent it to me (laughs).
Elara Hadjipateras (18:56):
And she was like this is one of the best things I've ever seen. Maybe we'll release it as a blooper one day. We'll see.
Diana Weil (19:03):
I think we have to, it's pretty funny.
Elara Hadjipateras (19:06):
It was a rainy day, and I went to PetSmart with Koa and my mom, and long story short, I came back with two guinea pigs (laughs).
Jon Gay (19:15):
(Laughs) oh Jesus. Well then.
Elara Hadjipateras (19:18):
Yes, I was like oh, I'm going to have a baby, let me get some more things to take care of.
Jon Gay (19:24):
Two more mouths to feed.
Diana Weil (19:25):
Wait, you got to say their names.
Elara Hadjipateras (19:27):
Oh, their names are Baloney and Bonsai (laughs). I'll take some photos and you guys can … can they pop up on the screen right now?
Jon Gay (19:34):
We can put them up during the video, we'll put them up along the side of it. But how'd you come up with those names?
Elara Hadjipateras (19:39):
I don't know. They felt like silly and sinister enough. If you see photos of them, you'll understand. Like you see this right now. Baloney, he's so Baloney. He's really a bag of tricks. And then Bonsai is a little bit more reserved but also lovely and it has a nice calming energy.
Diana Weil (19:59):
I want to check in on Baloney and Bonsai, come second baby too. Okay. What are you planning to do differently postpartum than you did with Koa?
Elara Hadjipateras (20:08):
Alright, so I am not going to take scheduling and breastfeeding so seriously. I'm going to do things a lot more on demand. I'm also going to be cool with falling asleep and napping while the baby's napping, which they scare the shit out of you the first time around where they're just like, no, no, no, you can't do that.
Baby has to go in the bassinet. That's really dangerous. That's not allowed. Like that is a bunch of bull crap. That's something where I looking back lost so much sleep and I just sat around watching random things on Netflix or listening to audio books, just like watching the baby sleep.
And it's like now — because you're scared, you're watching, you're like are they breathing? Is their nose clogged? I haven't seen any movement for a while. Put your finger down, you're like okay, yes, they're breathing.
Versus now it's like I'm chasing a toddler around and I'm on suicide watch every day. I'm like they're good. If they're lying, they're sleeping, they're okay. I can also rest. And I can also rest with the baby on me.
So, I think I'm going to do a lot more skin to skin. I also think I'm going to be into baby wearing a lot more because I'm going to have to be on the go with Koa. This guy's just going to be a lot more chill in terms of you're just getting strapped to me and you're going to fall asleep when you fall asleep. And there's going to be less of a he needs to — there's some like-
Diana Weil (21:35):
The wake windows?
Elara Hadjipateras (21:37):
The wake windows and being like they wake up, they eat, they play.
Diana Weil (21:42):
Oh yeah. Like the what is it? Eat, play, sleep.
Elara Hadjipateras (21:46):
Eat, play, sleep, something like that. And anyway, so-
Diana Weil (21:49):
And I'm also like you're two weeks old; you're not playing. I remember seeing that and being like, “What am I supposed to do? How do I play with you?” (Laughs).
Elara Hadjipateras (21:54):
Yeah. Looking back, I spent so much time on the ground being like look at this. Look at this thing. Look at this book. Look at this maraca, turn your head. That's not going to be happening.
But like Jon says, I'm very lucky and blessed that I'm going to have a lot of support. I have an amazing mother, I have a great partner, I have a great nanny. I have an amazing maternity nurse I had the first time around who's going to be coming back and helping us out the first month.
And we got the guinea pigs, we got the dogs, we got the cat. RIP our fish died, but we'll get another fish; that story's for another day. The guinea pigs also filled my heart where the hole was left by the dying fish. But there's going to be a lot of action happening.
So, I think there's going to be less of being hyper fixated on just the baby and just folding him into coming along for the ride.
Diana Weil (22:45):
Rather than making everything about the baby, it's like you guys are going to keep living your life and the baby folds into what you guys are doing.
Elara Hadjipateras (22:50):
He's going to fold into it. Yeah. Versus kind of being very like oh my God, it's so stressful. I'm not going to bring him to the store. I'm not going to bring him to swim practice with Koa. I'm just going to bring him.
It's like what's the worst thing? You got to change him in the car; you got to feed him in the car. He has a blowup at the supermarket? He has a blowup at the supermarket.
I was just very anxious looking back and stressed out over doing the simplest of tasks, which I'm hoping knock on wood is not the case this time around.
And my thought process too is when the baby cries, the first time around, you take it very personally, as a point of failure of I can't stop them from crying, I am failing as a parent. Versus even to the point where I'm now with my toddler when he cries and now with his newborn baby brother imminently coming. I don't take it personally, if they have to cry, they have to cry. That's why God has gifted me with AirPods.
Diana Weil (23:49):
Yeah, it's true.
(Laughter)
Elara Hadjipateras (23:51):
I think that's what I'm going to lean into now is, if he's kind of having a fit, I'm just going to be up with him walking, pop in the AirPods and just kind of roll with it a little bit more, I hope. I don't know, maybe I'll slip back into my anxious, neurotic ways, but I'm thinking no, I'm hoping no.
Jon Gay (24:09):
I mean, you're talking about something you hear a lot, which is that first baby, and you're a journalist in your background Elara. So you read everything you can on the internet, which is not always a good thing.
And don't take our advice over any other advice that you read over the internet. We're not doctors here. But the second one, it sounds like you're going a lot more on feel than trying to essentially crowdsource it to the world.
Elara Hadjipateras (24:30):
Yes, a hundred percent. I'm just going to roll with the punches. We got to take a step back and realize people have been doing this for tens of thousands of years, it's not rocket science. A lot of it is innate and natural and we need to trust our instincts.
I'm not going to be hyper fixated with sleep training and trying to get the baby to sleep through the night the first month. They have no idea. They’ve just come out of the womb. They don't know anything about circadian rhythm and that's okay. It's part of it. You got to lean into like the shorter wake windows and sleeping intermittently throughout the day.
Oh, the other thing I'm also not going to take so seriously is breastfeeding. I was hyper fixated on I am this child's only food source; I need to produce as much as possible no matter the deficit it causes to me mentally. Whether it's nursing and pumping, I want it as much as possible.
That's what you're brainwashed to think when you go on Instagram and stuff. All of these influencers who are overproducing and they're nursing and they're pumping and they have a year supply of milk. No, not doing it.
Quite frankly, if it's an easy nursing journey and things come naturally, I will nurse him and I will breastfeed. But if there's any kind of semblance of trouble or issues with going on nursing strikes and stuff I experienced with Koa where it was like I'd go to nurse him, and he wouldn't want to nurse then he'd want the bottle. I'd go to give him a bottle, he'd want to nurse, but then I hit the pump because it was coming out too strong.
I'm not doing it. I'm very open to introducing some combination feeding, like formula from the get go.
So, there's less pressure on me as his only food source. And I would rather under produce and say nurse him a couple times a day and then have the other half of the day be bottle feedings. And not even necessarily be bottle feedings with my milk that I am pumping, so someone else can take the responsibility and I can spend time with Koa and I can sleep five, six hours in a row.
Diana Weil (26:37):
You had a rough breastfeeding journey for sure.
Elara Hadjipateras (26:39):
It was rough, but I think a lot of women have rough breastfeeding journeys, and it's something that's not talked about. And I've spoken to a few women (I told you this Diana in the last few weeks), who have been really open and honest with me about like yeah, my second and third time around I just went straight to formula, and it's been a game changer.
And they're so happy for it and I've been so happy to hear their stories, and I find it very empowering. Now that I'm necessarily a hundred percent go that route, but it's important to remember that is an option.
We don't need to impose this, I don't know like, you're a bad mother if you don't go the route of breastfeeding.
Is there anything else we want to cover pre-birth? Because this is such a fun episode. We're going to be pre-birth Elara, Diana, Jon, and then we're going to fast forward and see where I'm at in three weeks.
Diana Weil (27:29):
I know. Anything else you want to share? Anything else that you want to talk about?
Elara Hadjipateras (27:34):
I don't know.
Jon Gay (27:34):
Diana, we'll take some notes on this episode so we can know what questions to follow up with in the after part.
Elara Hadjipateras (27:40):
Oh, well how about this? How about you guys? Okay, let's do a little over/under. If July 7th is the due date, when do you guys think baby will arrive? What are we thinking size wise? Are we thinking blue eyes or brown eyes?
Jon Gay (27:53):
I'm thinking it'd be the most compelling podcast ever if your water broke right now.
(Laughter)
Diana Weil (28:00):
I think it's going to be early. I think a couple days early and I'm going brown eyes. Koa is weird. Koa's got bright blue eyes, no one in the family has blue eyes, I'm going brown eyes. And I don't think that they're accurate on the weight. I think that he'll be like eight pounds-ish.
Elara Hadjipateras (28:14):
Yep. Jon?
Jon Gay (28:19):
I'll also say brown eyes. I will say early also, June, we'll call it 25th.
Diana Weil (28:28):
Oh, early.
Elara Hadjipateras (28:30):
Which is like next week by the way. Just a reminder.
Jon Gay (28:33):
Yeah. Today's the 17th as we record this.
Elara Hadjipateras (28:35):
A week from today.
Jon Gay (28:36):
And I will say seven pounds, six ounces.
Elara Hadjipateras (28:40):
Ooh. Okay. Yes.
Jon Gay (28:42):
I have no scientific base for this. Again, I don’t have kids of my own. I am pulling these numbers out of the sky. But let's see if I have the lottery numbers for this week.
Elara Hadjipateras (28:50):
Alright, I'm going to go, I think around between June 29th to July 3rd. I think he's going to round it at around eight pounds, maybe eight and a half, but eight pounds. I do think that they're overestimating. I think he's going to be brown eyes. I think he's going to be hairier.
Diana Weil (29:11):
Oh, because of the acid reflux, that's what they say.
Elara Hadjipateras (29:14):
They say that acid reflux and heartburn has to do with hair, and apparently my mother says when I was a baby, I was born with hair on my back. So, I'm thinking he's going to look a little bit more like his mother, which is not a bad thing.
And I'm hoping that he decides to make his appearance in this world naturally. And it doesn't end up being something that's going to come to an induction.
They have told me that if I go past my due date, they will let me go up to 41 weeks. At that point in time, if I'm at least three centimeters dilated, they will induce me. But if that is not an option, then I have to just have a scheduled C-section. But I'm hoping this guy's going to make an early entrance.
Diana Weil (29:53):
Okay, last question. Do you guys have a name picked out?
Elara Hadjipateras (29:55):
No, we had the name Koa picked out since I was in my first trimester of pregnancy, but not this guy. This guy, every night we go to bed, I'm like, “Peter, these are a couple names I came up with.” And he is just like, “Nope, that's not it, it's not the name.”
So, we're still floating around. We have a short list and honestly, I think it's just going to depend on how he makes his appearance. I think that that's going to have a big impact on it. But we are not going to be one of those couples who leaves the hospital without a name or switches the name legally at least three times.
So, the shortlist, if you guys want to hear right now, is kind of we have a few family names rolling around and then a few just rogue names. So, popular ones at this point in time are-
Jon Gay (30:41):
Are you okay (with this)?
Elara Hadjipateras (30:42):
I'm totally fine with it. I'm not one of those weirdos who's like-
Jon Gay (30:44):
Okay. Is Peter okay sharing it too?
Elara Hadjipateras (30:46):
Peter's fine with it too.
Jon Gay (30:47):
Okay. Just making sure. As the husband here, just making sure. Okay.
Elara Hadjipateras (30:50):
(Laughs) Yeah, no bad juju for this, but basically some names that are floating around are Franklin, Jackson, Emmanuel, Maverick, Micah.
Jon Gay (31:05):
Ooh.
Elara Hadjipateras (31:05):
Yeah, you like Maverick? If my water really breaks and he just comes in guns blazing, I think Maverick will be-
Jon Gay (31:12):
Top Gun is one of my wife's favorite movies, so that got my attention. Okay.
Elara Hadjipateras (31:15):
So, you like that one, exactly. Atlas. That's kind of been a late addition.
Jon Gay (31:21):
Way to put the weight of the world on the kids' shoulders before he is even born.
Elara Hadjipateras (31:24):
I know, right?
Jon Gay (31:25):
Sorry, it's a terrible, terrible joke if you get the reference.
Elara Hadjipateras (31:27):
I know.
Diana Weil (31:28):
You know what's not on the list though?
Elara Hadjipateras (31:30):
What?
Diana Weil (31:31):
Peter.
Elara Hadjipateras (31:32):
No, it's not on the list. Even though Peter wants it to be on the list, because my worst nightmare is having like … I love my Peter, he's my one and only Peter, I don't need like a Peter Junior or little Peter running around in my life.
Diana Weil (31:43):
Okay. Elara, we wish you — I mean, listen, you were texting me when I had my first contraction, so I'm sure I'll be there with you in spirit. But for everyone listening, we are excited to catch up with Elara post birth when she is no longer pregnant.
Elara Hadjipateras (31:57):
See you on the other side when I'm sleep deprived (laughs) without a baby in my belly. Yeah, fingers crossed, everything goes well. Like I said, we just want a healthy baby. I just want to come out on the other side of it. Hopefully no postpartum preeclampsia this time, but we will let you know.
Jon Gay (32:11):
Elara, on behalf of all the listeners and myself, we wish you the very best and can't wait to check in with you on the other side.
Elara Hadjipateras (32:17):
Thank you.
(((Transition)))
Diana Weil (32:20):
Hello everyone, and welcome back. We have Elara, who is four weeks postpartum, to share her birth journey and what life is like with two kids.
Elara, welcome. How are you feeling?
Elara Hadjipateras (32:32):
We're back. I feel tired, I feel good. Oh, my God, it's hard to even encompass into just a few words what the experience has been like the last few weeks compared to beforehand.
And I know that all you listeners out there, you heard my perspective from just right before I had my second. And you just, you don't know. You don't know until you're on the other side.
Jon Gay (32:58):
I think the first question that I'm wondering, and probably our listeners are too Elara, if you go back, you'll hear the story of your first childbirth and all the complications that came there. Maybe we should start there. How did it go?
Elara Hadjipateras (33:09):
First off, I ended up having another C-section, which, as you know, I was not necessarily planning on, nor was I wanting to have a C-section, but he was measuring so big. I went in at my 40-week appointment, and he was estimated to be around over 9.5 pounds.
So, they were like, “Okay, so at this rate, if you wait around to have this baby naturally, and he takes his time, and by each passing day, you could gain, let's just say, roughly an ounce. You could be giving birth to a 10 to10.5-pound baby.”
Which, quite frankly, they were like, “He may not even fit through there. If he does fit through the “downstairs door,” everything is going to get ripped, and there's a really good chance that he ends up with shoulder dysplasia or a broken clavicle and issues there, and then you're needing to go through rehab with a one-week-old, which one can imagine is not the most fun experience.”
So, I caved, I guess you can call it caving. But I went with the safer route for myself and baby, and I decided to schedule a C-section three days after I got that news. And it was one of those things where those estimates can be really off. They were estimating Koa was a lot larger than he was.
They were thinking he was like 8.5, and he ended up being 7.5 pounds. This guy, they were on the money with their estimation. They were thinking he was going to be 9 pounds, 11 ounces. He came into this world at 9 pounds, 9 ounces. So, pretty accurate.
Diana Weil (34:40):
I just want to back Elara here for a second, because I don't think that that's caving (chuckles). And you went into some of your appointments (I think at your 39-week appointment or your 38-week appointment), and they had some concerns about your blood pressure.
And I don't think that putting the health of yourself and your baby first is caving. I think that if anything, it's that you really wanted to have a VBAC (vaginal birth after C-Section), and you listened to your medical team, and you did the thing that you didn't want to do because that's what felt like the right choice. So, I don't think that that's caving.
Elara Hadjipateras (35:07):
Thank you, I appreciate that. Yeah, it's hard, obviously, I just used the word "caving," but then when I reflect on it, yes, it was my blood pressure, it wasn't at an alarming rate. I wasn't testing positive as far as any of the urine tests for preeclampsia, but it was creeping up.
And basically, they were saying, “The longer you go, the more it's going to creep up, the higher your risk becomes for having postpartum preeclampsia.” And as you know, one of my goals was not ending up on a mag drip, not ending up with postpartum preeclampsia this time around.
And so far, knock on wood, I have not gotten postpartum preeclampsia, which right in itself is a success. And I only spent two nights in the hospital, and then I was like, “Get my butt out of here.” And I went home on the third day, which was a huge success in itself.
Jon Gay (35:54):
I know how difficult things were for you after the first C-section, Elara, and so I'm so glad to hear that things went more smoothly this time around.
Elara Hadjipateras (36:02):
Yeah, it's definitely been better. One of the challenges, though, I have to say, that I knew I was going to be facing is because I have a toddler that's around 25 pounds, I'm not supposed to be holding him. Quite frankly, I have been holding him now that it's been four weeks, which I know-
Jon Gay (36:17):
Wait, so you're saying you pushed yourself a little bit past doctor's orders again?
Elara Hadjipateras (36:21):
Isn’t it so surprising?
Jon Gay (36:22):
I'm so surprised.
Elara Hadjipateras (36:23):
It's shocking. Yeah, shocking. And I still have a little bit of an incision that is slightly, slightly leaking some nonbacterial fluid. But of course, me being me, I was overdoing it and that's probably why. As well as the fact that I take really hot showers. Like I'm a rotisserie chicken, and I just rotate around. So, I'm sure that's probably not helping the healing process, but it's helping my mental healing process. So, I'll continue doing that.
Elara Hadjipateras (36:50):
I think someone else needs to weigh in on how the postpartum experience has been. The firstborn. (Koa appears on camera)
Diana Weil (36:57):
Hi, Koa.
Elara Hadjipateras (36:58):
Here, Koa, you know what to do, you got to put on your headphones. Go ahead. Yep, there we go. Okay, he's ready, guys.
Diana Weil (37:04):
Hi Koa, how is it being a big brother? We need to know.
Elara Hadjipateras (37:07):
It's like he once again is at a loss for words, it's really a lot.
Elara Hadjipateras (37:12):
Right, Koa? Yeah.
Koa (37:14):
Bye-bye.
Diana Weil (37:15):
Bye-bye.
Jon Gay (37:16):
And the podcast is over; Koa has ended it.
Elara Hadjipateras (37:18):
He says this is done. He's like, “I've really enjoyed Mom not working the last couple weeks.”
Jon Gay (37:23):
Well, this actually leads into the perfect question, Elara. How is it balancing the newborn and the toddler?
Elara Hadjipateras (37:31):
I'm lucky that I have help and a very involved husband. Otherwise, I couldn't imagine how I would do it, quite frankly. But it's a lot. He's actually been very good with the whole having a little brother around. There's been a handful of times where he's come in and I've been nursing, or he's just woken up from a nap, or he really wants me to hold him and I can't, or he doesn't want me to be nursing his brother, and he's kind of trying to pull me away.
That thing’s hard. He's crying, his brother's eating or crying, he's pulling my hand one way, I'm holding a baby in my other hand, I can't even physically get up, and you just got to know to ask for help and just be like, “Okay, can someone else take him and kind of distract him?”
And then after like a minute or two, he's fine. Right, Koa? Yeah. But it's a process. He's feeling the whole range of human emotions I think that are appropriate.
Jon Gay (38:22):
I have to ask (because you mentioned this in the episode that Diana unfortunately wasn't able to join us for), you were concerned a little bit about breastfeeding because you had said that when Diana had come by, Koa was a little bit more interested when-
Elara Hadjipateras (38:36):
Okay, so luckily, he has not (I know) – he's showing a lot of interest in the podcast right now.
[Elara’s mom comes in to take Koa.]
Elara Hadjipateras (38:48):
See, once again, thank God we have help. Bye. I know.
[Laughter]
Elara Hadjipateras (38:55):
So, yeah, he was kind of like, looking at my boobs and was like, “Huh.” And I was starting to feel like, “Okay, I am going to start wearing a top when I shower with you and I take baths with you,” because I don't want to pique any interest in him.
Anyway, so he watches me nurse, and he's been fine with it. The times he's gotten upset is when I used a Haakaa pump. For the listeners out there who don't know what a Haakaa is, it's basically a passive breastfeeding milk collector you can put on one boob as the baby nurses on the other boob.
Because when you're a mommy that has a large milk supply like I do, you need to get it out of your body to keep yourself from getting clogged ducts. And so, he saw that thing on me that was basically this weird see-through suction cup with milk coming out. And he was like, “Ugh, I don't like that.” And he was not into it.
But then after like two weeks, he would come into the room and I'd be lying in the bed, and he would grab the haakaa (which I would keep on this little table above my bed), and he'd come over and try and pull down my bra and put it on my boob for me. He was like, “Here you go, let me help you with this process.”
Diana Weil (40:02):
Elara, you haven't had the same oversupply issue that you had in your first one though, right? Not quite as much of an issue?
Elara Hadjipateras (40:08):
So, not as bad. I definitely still just naturally have an oversupply, but luckily, this baby … which after this we can do the name reveal.
Diana Weil (40:18):
I was just going to say, we're calling it baby. We need to know, we need to reveal the name.
Elara Hadjipateras (40:19):
I was waiting for someone to ask me the question. He is not as demanding as Koa was at the boob. He wouldn't ask for it very strongly because when you ask for it strongly, then it's going to come strongly. And then Koa would get upset and then was a big vomiter.
So, this guy when it comes, he asks gently and even when it comes strongly, he just pulls himself off and is kind of like, “Oh, that's a lot.” And I'll stop it and then he'll go back. So, that's been really nice, I guess as far as the nursing journey so far has been a lot better. Knock on wood, I'm also just kind of doing a better job of just following him and following his lead.
So, with Koa, I was very fixated and like, “Okay, I've got to do six minutes on this side and then six minutes on that side. Everything has to be even, everything has to be like two to three hours apart. And if he doesn't do the same amount on this side, it's going to discombobulate me.” And then the feedings would last an hour.
I'd be getting anxious and stressed out, Koa would be getting anxious and stressed out and crying. I'd be trying to force him back into my boob even if he was falling asleep or wasn't interested, and I'm just not doing that this time.
I kind of put him near me, and if he latches right away, great. But if he shows any kind of discomfort or just disinterest, I'm like, “Okay, he is not interested, I'm not going to try.”
Jon Gay (41:37):
Something you've said previously, Elara, is that with your first, it was more along the lines of everything by the book and do everything I'm supposed to do. And with the second, you're more going on feel and instinct, as opposed to, you have to do this, you're supposed to do this.
Elara Hadjipateras (41:50):
Yes, absolutely. I am just literally going with the flow. Pun intended for-
Jon Gay (41:55):
(Laughs).
Elara Hadjipateras (41:56):
Milk flow (laughs).
Diana Weil (41:57):
Okay, Elara, let's do the reveal.
Elara Hadjipateras (42:01):
So, baby number two's name is (drum roll) Archer Kai Hadjipateras.
Diana Weil (42:08):
And how did you come up with the name?
Elara Hadjipateras (42:12):
So, there's a song called Marry Me Archie that Peter has always liked and it's kind of been one of “our songs,” our couple songs. So, I always liked Archie, but I never liked that as a full name because it felt more like a nickname. And also, Meghan Markle and Prince Harry named their son Archie.
And a little part of me was like, “Ugh, well, I don't want to name my son the same thing as Meghan Markle.” No offense to her, I just was like, it's a well-known thing and I was like I want it to be a little bit more unique. So, I was thinking of different iterations and Archer just popped out to me, I liked it; two syllables, easy to pronounce, I don't know, straight shooter. I liked the meaning behind it.
And then coincidentally (Diana, did I tell you this the other day, maybe when we were talking?), I've been reading a book series called Zodiac Academy (one of my many lovely smut series that I enjoy), and it was a nine-book series. So, really long, but of course, me being me, I finished it in like a month-and-a-half.
So, I was on the last book, actually like a week postpartum. And at the end of the book series, my favorite characters had children. Anyway, two of the children's names were Elara and Archer. And I was like, “That's crazy.”
Diana Weil (43:28):
Oh, didn't you also have a dream? I thought you had a dream about him too, and that his name was Archer.
Elara Hadjipateras (43:32):
I had a dream about it too, yeah, beforehand. Yeah, I was like in the dream, he responded to Archer, I saw eyes. And I think Diana was the only person besides Peter and I who knew the name.
Jon Gay (43:46):
And Kai, that's your middle name, isn’t it?
Elara Hadjipateras (43:47):
And that was my middle name. So, that was my little kind of like … because our firstborn Koa, his first name is John, and that was kind of like a namesake after Peter's side of the family, I kind of was like, “I got to stick in a little bit of like …”
Jon Gay (43:58):
Wait, his middle name is John? Koa's middle name is John?
Elara Hadjipateras (44:01):
Koa's middle name is Koa, legally John. His name is John, like you, fun fact.
Jon Gay (44:06):
See, I was giving you a hard time about naming your second son John, but legally, your first one was John, I didn't even realize that.
Elara Hadjipateras (44:13):
Yep, so, legally, it's a little bit of a sore point. But yes, his first name is John, but he goes by Koa.
Jon Gay (44:22):
J-O-H-N or J-O-N?
Elara Hadjipateras (44:24):
J-O-H-N, yeah, J-O-H-N. So yeah, Archer, his name is Archer. And we call him Archie, Archibald, Archbishop, Arch Man...
Diana Weil (44:35):
Elara, one thing that I think is really interesting is that on like day three of Archie being in this world, you told me that they have such different personalities. That you can just already tell that the dispositions between your two sons are so different and I want to hear more about that.
Elara Hadjipateras (44:49):
Yeah, so, I guess the second time around, because you're just less like, “Oh, shit, I don't know what I'm doing,” you get to enjoy the process a lot more and just take it in. And I think that that's part of it. Maybe it's also, you realize how much your own disposition rubs off on them. Is it that? I don't know.
But overall, yeah, the things that I noticed about Archie is that he's just a very chill, also very sweet. Koa and him are both very sweet boys across the board. I would just say that Koa is a bit more – he's always had a bit more spunk and tenacity, and when he wants it, he wants it then and there. Versus Archie, if he kind of wakes up and he's like a little hungry, you could put him back to sleep, he's like, “Okay, I'll wait. It's fine,” versus Koa would be like, “I want it, and I want it now.”
And when I wouldn't give it to him, he'd be like, “Well, now, I don't want it.” Which is so funny because now even at over a year-and-a-half, it's very much his personality. If I don't do it the way he wants, he's just like, “Then I don't want it.” He's like, “No.”
So, I don't know where that comes from, but they're definitely born with their personalities to a certain extent, there's no doubt in my mind.
Diana Weil (46:02):
Yeah, I think that's super interesting. I even think that you can – like I could tell Elio's personality when he was in my belly. I was like, “Oh, you're going to be this way,” and he is.
Elara Hadjipateras (46:09):
Well, what's funny about Archer is he was way more active than Koa. He was kicking me all the time, but he's super chill. So, that was kind of interesting. I honestly didn't have a very good read on Archer in my belly compared to seeing him out of my belly.
Diana Weil (46:27):
So, one thing I'm curious about is how C-section recovery the second time around compares to C-section recovery the first time around. I know that you left the hospital a lot sooner, so it sounds like it went better, but yeah, just curious about your experience.
Elara Hadjipateras (46:43):
So, yeah, it's like you know what to expect. So, I think that that obviously makes you less anxious. And what was cool is I went in … so, this C-section compared to the last one took a longer time as far as the actual procedure because I had a lot of raised scar tissue from my first time around.
Because if the listeners have listened to any of our previous episodes where I talked about my birth, I ripped open my C-section scar because I was a little too active too early on, so I developed a bad scar tissue on the left side.
And so, the doctor saw that and actually spent time removing it and doing sutures instead of staples, which just takes more time. So, to a certain extent, I just remember Archer arrived, they took him out, he cried, he was with me, and then I remember sitting there and about like 30 minutes passed.
And it's normal after you give birth to the baby, whether it's a C-section, whether it's vaginal birth, the placenta has to be delivered (is a nice way to put it). And then they stitch you back up. And it takes time, but then like 30 minutes passed, and I was like, “We're still in the operating room, is everything okay? Is it alright?”
And Peter, more so than me, because I was drugged up at that point kind of laying there, I was kind of like, “Oh yeah, this is taking longer.” Peter, deep down, was like, “Why is it taking longer? Is something wrong? It's like is she bleeding more? Blah, blah, blah.”
I was kind of sitting there like, “Oh, the anesthesiologist. They're playing music, that's nice. This is taking longer, whatever.” Like chatting with the doctors and stuff. So, that was different, it was a little bit longer, but it was fine.
As far as the recovery, I knew just like my first postpartum C-section, I didn't go for any of the heavy pain medications, I never took opioids. Just because one of the (chuckles) least pleasant things after I think any birth is going to the bathroom for the first time, specifically… taking a shit.
Because any sort of pressure, any laugh, any cough, everything is so painful, so the thought of pushing anything down there, you're just like, “Please no.”
Jon Gay (48:47):
Because those opioids will gum you up and make it even more difficult.
Elara Hadjipateras (48:50):
They plug you up and already with the epidural and whatever medications they give you (at least in my experience), it slows everything down. And Diana was really good, she was like, “You should probably take a laxative.” And I was like, “Ah, you're probably right.”
And then I finally went to the bathroom, I don’t know, three or four days after, which was like, compared to my first one, I actually went 24 hours after. So, that was a different thing. And it took a lot more laxatives. Last time, I didn't take a laxative.
So, not sure why that happened, but I'd imagined if I had taken opioids of any kind, it would've prolonged the process, and you're already feeling swollen and not so great. And just imagine having like five to six days of food in your body (laughs) plus your shrinking uterus, it's not so great.
Diana Weil (49:41):
I know you're only four weeks in, but what do you feel like is harder, going from zero to one or one to two?
Elara Hadjipateras (49:44):
Zero to one is harder. Well, you know what it is? Like I said before, is I feel like compared to the first time where at least for me, I was very just like, “Oh, shit, what am I doing? I don't know how to put a sleeve on his hand without hurting his little hand. How do I change a diaper?”
Diana Weil (49:58):
Yes (chuckles), that was so stressful though (laughs).
Elara Hadjipateras (50:00):
And so, this time around I'm like, “I know how to do it, I know how to change a diaper.” Changing a newborn diaper (and you can attest to this Diana) so much easier than a toddler alligator.
[Laughter]
Elara Hadjipateras (50:12):
Not compared, but where I'm literally chasing him around and doing it while he is standing. So, everything I think feels a lot more approachable and easier. That being said, I cannot imagine doing this as a single mother, because so much of the process has been divide and conquer.
It's like, “Okay, you take Koa, I take Archer. Like you take the dogs, like this guy's sleeping” — it's just kind of like you're always doing something, you are always busy.
That being said, when I am in the process of just feeding Archer or trying to get him to take a nap and stuff, it's so much more of an enjoyable newborn bubble versus like, “Am I doing this right?” I'm just enjoying it. I'm like, “Wow, this is really nice.” Compared to just chasing around my feral toddler in the backyard, stopping him from picking up dog poop. This is very enjoyable (laughs).
Jon Gay (51:01):
So, was that your mom that was on camera earlier?
Elara Hadjipateras (51:04):
It was my mom, yep.
Jon Gay (51:05):
And then you've got your husband, and then you've got other help too?
Elara Hadjipateras (51:08):
Yeah, so, I have a nanny who comes during weekdays from 6:30 AM to 4:30. So, it's great because my mom or Peter have been handling the nighttime routine for Koa, before bed and if he happens to wake up in the middle of the night or something.
And then if he wakes up early in the morning (which he usually does around like 6:00 AM), then they kind of get him up. And then Katie's here (who's our amazing nanny) and then she kind of whisks him out of the house for hours out of the day so it's a little bit more quiet.
He wasn't constantly watching me nursing his brother, which like the first week, it's just on demand, all the time. They're basically constantly nursing; they're doing it really slowly. They're literally on your boob for 40 minutes. So, I didn't want him around that too much.
So, that's been huge. It’s like having the help to just pass around the hot potatoes and just give yourself some time and some grace. Yeah, there's a lot less time for just Peter and I alone, it's kind of once both of them go to bed (which tends to be around like between 7:00 and 8:30 PM), we have like an hour.
And you're just so exhausted that you're like, “I need to go to bed. If I want to get any semblance of sleep, I need to sleep by like 10 so I get a good chunk.”
Diana Weil (52:27):
Yeah, that's the part that scares me the most. Not scares, but just as you know.
Elara Hadjipateras (52:33):
And you need to actively I think … there's a lot of stimulation and a lot of hands wanting you, I guess, compared to the first time around too. Because it's not only Archer who is needing me, it's also Koa who is needing me, it's also Peter who is needing me.
So, it's just a lot of hands like, “Mommy, mommy, mommy.” I have the dogs, the cat, the guinea pigs, it's a lot. So, I have learned that it's really important, at least once a day that I kind of have to do a reset for me even if it's just 10 minutes.
I like to go to the bathroom. A baseline, you know me, face care. I like to at least wash my face, brush my teeth; if I get to take a shower, great, change into some fresh outfit, not smell, like my hormones are raging. Which by the way, do you remember this, Diana? When you first started nursing and stuff-
Diana Weil (53:22):
Oh, I do.
Elara Hadjipateras (53:23):
Your deodorant suddenly stops working, Jon.
Diana Weil (53:25):
You're stinky.
Elara Hadjipateras (53:26):
You're just stinky.
Diana Weil (53:27):
And sweaty.
Elara Hadjipateras (53:28):
Yeah, and you're sweaty. And then you convince yourself, you're like, “The baby likes it, I can't wear deodorant.” And everyone around you is like, “Can you please wear deodorant?” And you're like, “It doesn't work anymore.”
[Laughter].
Elara Hadjipateras (53:37):
But there are choices for those out there that also may need some deodorant as stinky mamas. Mother's Earth makes a really good ginger one or citrus.
Diana Weil (53:48):
Oh, I love them. I like that brand a lot, that's a good brand.
Elara Hadjipateras (53:50):
Really good brand. They also make an amazing nipple salve too, which I highly recommend.
Jon Gay (53:55):
I have to ask, in the after portion of this episode, what has surprised you the most over the last four weeks?
Elara Hadjipateras (54:04):
My capacity to love more people (chuckles). Because I think part of me right before Archer came, I was like, “How am I going to expand? How am I going to have enough hours in the day to just fit everyone in?” And it's like it expands, you adjust somehow, it's amazing.
Honestly, since having Archer, I think my love for Koa, for my family, for Peter, it's grown. You have even more love to give, which is amazing. I blame the hormones for my tears right now. You hit my heartstrings, Jon.
Diana Weil (54:39):
And I love it.
Jon Gay (54:40):
Well, that's really sweet.
Diana Weil (54:41):
Yeah, that’s really sweet.
Elara Hadjipateras (54:42):
And I just feel like even compared to the first time around with Koa, I’m even more loving. I'm an even more loving mother than I was before, so that's pretty amazing. Yeah, surprise.
Diana Weil (54:55):
I love that, that was a really good answer.
Elara Hadjipateras (54:57):
Thank you.
Diana Weil (54:58):
Okay, as we wrap up, I was hoping that you could do a “Just You Wait,” but a positive edition for anyone who is expecting or wants to have a second child.
Elara Hadjipateras (55:08):
Yeah, so just you wait for when you're in the newborn bubble and watching your husband or your partner with your toddler, just you wait for how much your love expands and your heart triples in size. Just you wait for how much more you appreciate what your body does and what it goes through, and how much more patience and grace you give yourself in the postpartum.
Just you wait for how much more you're willing to ask and accept help. And just you wait for that newborn smell and those little kisses and seeing your toddler give your newborn baby a kiss. It's like nothing is better than that.
Diana Weil (55:52):
Oh, you can't see it because I'm hiding it well, but you got me tearing up over here.
[Laughter]
Elara Hadjipateras (55:58):
Yeah, it's rubbing off. It's rubbing off.
Diana Weil (56:01):
(Laughs).
Elara Hadjipateras (56:02):
But yeah, there's so much that's waiting on the other side, you can't even begin to imagine that's amazing, yeah.
Diana Weil (56:10):
Well, thank you for sharing and being so vulnerable and you got me really excited about maybe entering that world too. So, yeah, I just appreciate you coming on here and sharing your story and I can't wait to meet that baby (laughs), I haven't met him yet.
Elara Hadjipateras (56:23):
Well, for listeners who don't know, Diana and her husband Harley are the godparents of Archer, and they have been his godparents since he was, what, like the size of an avocado? Maybe smaller. So, he's very excited to meet you.
For any other listeners who might have questions on the postpartum journey, we're definitely going to be doing an Ask Me Anything on our Instagram, which is @SteepedInWellnessPodcast, where you can find us.
If you don't already follow us, I highly recommend following us to just kind of get little tidbits into our day-to-day life and clips from other episodes to inspire you to listen. But yeah, if you guys have any other questions, feel free to ask. We'll be doing that soon.
Jon Gay (57:03):
And tune in next week for another episode of Steeped In Wellness.
[Music playing]
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